The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 246, White Chicks with Dennard Dayle

Episode Date: September 24, 2025

The late Dennard Dayle brought White Chicks to the Doggzzone9000. Seanbaby and Brockway did what they had to. Dennard claims the film relates to his comic origins. You can believe him, if it helps you cope. He would be missed, if it weren't for White Chicks. https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-to-dodge-a-cannonball-dennard-dayle/1146167653 ALSO... Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriend

1,900 hot dog 1,900, hot dog Out podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on, you know the number

1,900 1,900 Hot Dog 1190,0,000 I-900 hot dog I guess I should say that this is the dog The audio part of the I keep saying the Constantinople of Internet comedy That's pretty much the sequel to Internet comedy at this point

Like, we've re-learned agriculture, and now when you say, child, do you remember the glory of Rome? They say, what the hell is Rome? This is, whatever, see your grandpa. And it's a good place. It's a good time. Check out the website at 1,900 hotdog.com, where we do not feature white chicks on a regular basis. I'm so, I'm so happy that you're, see, you're not, we didn't expect you to do the intro and stuff. Like, that was still going to post.

But, uh, I'm not. I'm not going to insist on being the one that brings this. Like, if you're willing to take credit for this, absolutely. Because, like, here's the part where we do the cute bits and the intros. I didn't write that down. I didn't have a cute bit. My bit was, like, you made me watch white chicks. What is your fucking problem?

This is the clearest anyone has ever asked me if I want to fight. The answer is yes. Okay, so we probably should have thrown the hands while you were over in New York, but I'll do the commute this time. Yeah, you planned this well in not making me watch white chicks while I was going to meet and be able to physically strike you. Like, that was a smart thing to do, how you timed that out. I was a little confused for a second because I showed up

and no one at the meetup was armed. And I'm like, guys, you know I like whitechixed a fellow comedian here, right? Like, this is one of those ape show not kill ape things. That hadn't happened yet. We would have been a different reason for me booking a rooftop bar in Manhattan. One of us goes off the fucking roof. Yeah, it's old-fashioned rules. Only one of us is taking the elevator.

There's only enough room on the elevator for one on the way back down is how that works. I thought I liked white chicks as a choice because the other choice was anime. I'm like, fuck yeah, white chicks. Let's watch white chicks. Okay, so we're doing the origin stories of the hot dog crew. It's the back story here. And me and Sean and Lydia have already went. And so we asked,

we asked DeNard what was like the piece of media that really started you down this path? What was like your first truly cursed media experience? And like, we, you were not supposed to pick white chicks. This is like, it's like an airbud rule. Like it's so unspoken.

We never figured someone would try it. Right. We've written it since. The rules now state white chicks are not allowed to play basketball. Which is a good name for a movie if it was the 90s I'm glad that I could be the I guess I'm not talking dog, the hyper-intelligent dog Or I guess he's just a pretty lucky dog

I'm gonna go of luck because I have not been killed And that means my luck is like crack on right now Now Airbud was good at basketball Go rewatch that movie, the dog is really good at basketball And it was actually a black dog posing as a white dog Like, that was the unspoken. Now that I know that race is the unspoken truth of the universe for white chicks, yeah, I guess it was a black dog.

Like, everything you have to assume. Every time. Everything in your mind, heart, and soul. We forgot to do intro. So I'm Brockway, and here's a Brockway fact. For an FBI sting, I had to go undercover as Shantae Wayans for 17 years. Unlimited follow-up questions. I am Sean Elder.

I'm a former columnist from Nintendo Power, where I reviewed only the greatest games. I guess that makes me DeNard Dale and I'm responsible for bringing this White Chicks podcast to bear on you so I'd just like to personally challenge everyone listening to this to find and fight me in real life my name's DeNard Dale once again

Oh man I finally have the number two headband This is great this is great This is what I've been waiting for From my fucking day Or my fucking career God do we want to Do we even want to do plus

on this one. Like, do you... Hey, Dynard, do you have any books you would like people to associate with the movie White Chicks? Sure, so I wrote a book recently called

How to Dodge a Cannonball. It's about the Civil War and Slavery, the second and third worst things to happen to black people. You're going to cover white chicks the first.

Other than white chicks. Yeah, white chicks. It's a really good union. A white chick. chick-style comedy about the Civil War written by Marlon and Sean Wayans.

Just throwing it out there. Just putting that into the universe. Could they take it to a darker place? I wanted to see it. Could we go beyond the fucking impossible? Can we go into the outer worlds? It couldn't be chicks, so they would have to be the Wayne's brothers disguised as white women

disguising themselves as white men? I love it. Green light. I'm great. That sounds like you're shattering. That's fantastic. Oh, yeah. I do have a lot of faith in that book, so check it out if you find me amusing or, you know, want to know more about me so that you are more ready for our fight. I think I include my martial arts styles, which are none, and my physical weaknesses gained from throwing my body at the floor, which are many.

All right, Chuck, what about you? Any thriving young comedy sites you would like to kill by associating with the 2004 movie White Chicks? Thank you for asking. Yes, I am Sean Baby disguised as Kim Wants For going on four years now for an FBI sting operation I'd like to promote 1,900 hotdog.com All right, well And it's more racist than you think It is, my chief does not like it

And I would like to not promote my book I'm legally obligated to I'm not going to tell you what the name is Because I have to sell copies or I'm going to prison And that's not going to happen. That's not going to happen associating with this podcast. I don't have a book. I don't have a book, yeah.

There is nothing going on with imaginary anything. There is no sum of money. Get the name out of your fucking mouth. I swear to God, I'll be Will Smith. It's either the law or, or I guess, white chicks fans, who would come after us for the white chicks podcast? Yes, everybody, right? do you know what this opening is it's like time travel rules or there's like an authority that comes after people specifically for like white chicks related offenses just a time cop yeah uh i had managed to go my whole life without without actually seeing this uh it's my third time holy shit i uh actually really like movies about the comical difference between between races uh i like that uh there's never been a good one but they keep trying uh

It makes me feel better about, like, the jokes I wrote in the 90s when I see something like white chicks. I'm like, God, that's, that's nice. Like, standing up against these guys, I feel like progressive, you know what I mean? Like, relativity on your side? Yeah. Yeah, it's nice. I love this opening.

I think it's our best show opening. I do want to say that it's not quite as good as the white chicks opening, which is, it's like, it's like more racial than you were expecting. Like, everyone who saw the poster and the trailer for this went in. saying, oh, this could be a fucking racist movie. But, like, then there's suddenly two Wayans brothers in Brownface doing just zero jokes at maximum enthusiasm, like, just chirping in Spanish noises and shaking Maracas. And it's, it's like how a racist grade school bully would make fun of a Cuban wedding.

So it's a bad first impression. Like, it makes you worry that they might do all the races, like a Norbit, but for white supremacists. Like, that's the impression that white chicks gives. It really is trying to speed run so many bigotry. trees at once. And I think you really count on. It's like, you come in primed, like, okay, what is every horrible thing civilization has

told me about black men or white women? I'm ready. I could survive this experience. And they just fucking sneak liver punch you with the fucking Maraca. You're like, what the is happening? Oh, it's ready for this Speedy Gonzales shit? What is this?

It's, and I wish I could emphasize just how much we're not cutting anything. They like, it's almost a hard jump straight into them doing brown face into like pretending to be i think they're supposed to be porto rican uh just because i saw a porto rican flag back there that's the only that's the only credit i will give them i'm not an expert on it but i like could not figure it out i think one of them was supposed to be dominican and the other one was puerto rican but again who i don't think they

know i think their comedy can speak for itself oh no did you take a clip can we get down to business money. He said that he's not going to give you one of the ice cream. Okay. So that's what I mean by the ice cream is. Okay. So that's what I mean by zero jokes. That's so, it's so broken. Like they know that's not language. They know he's not language. They know he's singing a song. But then the other characters like, yes, he's talking in a human language. Like,

no, no, he's not. It's just shrieking Spanish song lyrics. You know what else I hated? You know in bad boys, how they're like being all zany and wacky, sometimes a little racial, but then they fight and you're like, okay, it's a cool action movie. These guys are badasses.

These guys in this movie are not badasses. They go from like zany idiot racists to like dickheads who can't fight. I don't It's This is the fastest Plainest

Most direct way I have ever seen a movie Tell you Do not watch this Yeah If you watch Like these are the opening seconds If you watch the movie

Beyond this Everything that happens Afterwards is your fault It's on you If you watch just carefully Which is only an option If you hate yourself You notice that

It almost resents Having to do An establishing shot Before jumping right into That fucking Varan They hate having to put data between, like, bouts of racism. Yeah, they, that was plainly added afterwards.

Like, they, you know, in their script, it was just hard open on, on, uh, Sean, Sean Wayne's playing the Maracas and seeing Guantanamara as though that is what the entirety of the Spanish language is. They were just like, yeah, that's the first. They say, you're judged by your opening line. That's the opening line. coming in on. Yeah.

And it's insane because, like, you're, you're a professional, like, good sketch creators for how long, and you're just ready to jump to the world at a new format, and you decide to just opening pitch is fucking this into a, into a gunfight where the punchline of it is that this is actually a Mobius hate crime because they just decided that these guys were the drug dealers because of their accent. Exactly. And again, it slips you again. It is the trickiest hate crime I've ever seen because each time you have like inoculated

us up to one strain of bigotry. Like I had finally become numb to the racism when like it throws four white girls screaming the word shopping. Yeah, long since dead. So they're their drug deal here. They're doing, they're undercover. They're undercover. They have racist prosthetics to go undercover.

to do a drug deal here that goes sideways and they're getting chewed out by their boss and it's just like Jesus Christ, imagine you're the FBI and you ask two of your officers to go undercover and they come out in full racial prosthetics with like skits planned about racism imagine you could not promote them fast enough

like you would just be like these are the best goddamn FBI agents I've ever seen. We got two acts of foley's here guys. I do want to talk about I want to talk about the chief, right? So the chief is chewing them out. This is like just shorthand. We expect this in a movie.

And rightfully so, like they really fucked this up. They like almost lost a fight to three unarmed men who weren't associated with any crimes. And then Marlon takes a call from his girlfriend and he's like, hey, the chief is chewing me out. I can't talk right now. So he hangs up. So she calls the chief. Now this is kind of cute. The start of something, right?

Like his girlfriend is supernaturally naggy. Women, right? Am I right, fellas? But then they don't even try to land it. like he he says he hands the phone to marlin he says the exact same shit like hey no he's chewing me out you know this i just talked to you goodbye the end comedy rule of twos there's no escalation she doesn't like take out a billboard ad or something it's it's just if you were teaching a comedy writing class and someone turned this in you would shoot them in the head like an injured horse

this is limp beyond the capabilities of man's failure and they just it's the fucking opening scene. It's the moment I realized that family movie night had betrayed me. You watched this on a family movie night? Who were you not talking to in your family? So the three survivors of fucking white chicks were me, my mom, and my sister. And I must have had a bigger family because I refused to believe there was a hundred percent survival rate of this film. Like, there is a cousin I'm forgetting about who just took his life after Quata

Melo. He just was not feeling it. If you go into the family photos, like crack open the frame and fold the rest of the photo out. There's like a person Oh, missing brother, we don't talk about anymore. They're in the form of one of the Marlins in Whiteface. It's

just eating your family from the edges of the photo. I can't believe they invented a new form of whiteface for this, but okay, but yeah, we would watch these weekly movies and it was actually a really nice thing. It was kind of like me, my mom and my sister picking

movies in order. It's why I have seen Spice World six times because my sister was all about that. Well, we all know that's a good movie, right? Yeah, I'd watch that. Yeah, I enjoyed it. It was like, I was actually exposed to a lot of things

I wouldn't have otherwise, but also unfortunately white chicks. But other than that, it was sort of my gateway to normal human non-basement culture in a way that I really appreciated in a way that I could just take white chicks almost as like the cost of doing business okay this is your omelos child

yeah and this is kind of a fair exchange because my sister could tell you the plot of mortal combat backwards without using pronouns just just a solid year there that was like a war of mortal combat to spice world back to back to great movies a world where transitions do not exist right and then somewhere in there what like your mom picks white checks and you're both just like fuck you are you kidding so here's a great thing about diffusion of responsibility because obviously I still associated with my mom and sister there too you know it's like a it's like a therapy group a support group no one takes credit for picking white chicks of course yeah why would you it's one of those like would you just meet old german people you can't find one nazi evidently no one picked white chicks

somebody it somebody who's following orders here come on a perfect description okay so in the movie uh we've we've established so far that Marlon Wayne's I think his character's name is Marcus and Sean Wayne's plays Kevin Marcus has that insane controlling wife and Kevin's just looking for love

and so they fucked up their case, they got chewed out by their boss, they're looking to make their big break like all so just a paint by the numbers movie and the next day they're back in the office they meet their rival like straight-laced

FBI agent pair that they hate and they're going to get the big case that they call the socialite kidnapping case to initiate our hatred of these two they have them make what I think is the limpist joke in the movie because they mistook ice cream for drugs

right so they say we'll call you Hagen and does yeah somehow one of the stronger jokes in the movie God, that's a mean thing to say. It's a really true but mean thing to say. It's true. Like, you hear that and there's not really an attack on someone's fucking humanity baked into the premise of the joke.

It is based on an earlier event. Like, you can remember these two at this point in the film and never again can remember other events and information and how it relates to their future. Yeah, I'm going to say something you're not going to like about Hogandah's. The first draft of that joke was probably. probably Ben and Jerry, which means that's a like punch up. That means they, that's the polish is. Oh, they use that later. They want, there was no, there was no punch up.

There was no escalating process of we can beat that. It was we can use all of this. Just throw all. The whole brainstorming meeting is going to the film. They said no bad ideas and they're the first people that ever meant it. You guys just took me from like a worse world than the one I thought I lived in to an even worse one. It's like a volleyball, a set spike. You're welcome.

Oh, it's only going to get worse. It's like, this is actually a homophobic joke they pivot away from. Just kidding. They saved that jewel for later. I have some takes on this movie. I don't think anyone's going to like. We'll get to them. We'll get to them.

So, okay. Get ready to cut a lot of shit, Jamie. So they discover they have to, that the, there's like the socialite kidnapping case. It's Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, very thin. Sure. and they've bailed stand-ins for them. And they think they're next to be kidnapped. And everybody, like, all the FBI agents are like,

oh, God, I don't want to deal with those pitches. Can you imagine? And so, Kevin and Marcus are the only ones that will do it. They go to pick them up at the airport, and they have to drive them to the Hamptons. That's where, that's their mission. I think somewhere along the line, they were considering, like, living way more

to some kind of fucking simple life parody, and they gave up on that very quickly. Yeah, there's kind of not a lot of Nicole, and Paris actual jokes in there like it's very thinly veiled I think the dog is like the small obnoxious dog

is the closest they get to being like ah you see what we're doing here and the rest of that is just like hey aren't women crazy like we picked we picked these two notable celebrities because we have nothing to say about them foundationally they just seem to have

no understanding of women or socialites or these two characters they're parodying like it's it feels like like when you're playing Grand Theft Auto when there's like those jokes that were written by British people about American culture and it's just like such surface level shallow shit where you're like, well, that's

kind of nothing. The whole movie's like that. It's just like, women shop. And you're like, okay, let's go cut to the funny shopping. It's like, no, no, no. The joke's done. We finished. That was it. We, bye. It's so weird seeing the level of hate from such a limited pool of information.

Like they are making fun of women I can only describe as rumor. Is that what's wrong with Grand Theft Auto? I didn't know that. I'm sorry, that blew my fucking mind. Like, that makes perfect sense now. I've always been like,

watching Grand Theftano, I've always been strangely like, what are they doing? Like, why, this is such a wild direction. Like, and then to end on nothing. Yeah, they think they get us. They don't. They did that. I didn't know they were British.

I thought, like, I thought they were from L.A. or something. No, I'm sorry. I'm really doing rail the podcast. It is extremely weird to get new information from a white chicks discussion. I'd almost feel like I have, like I've betrayed the premise. I learned something. I learned something on this, something helpful to me in my understanding of the world on this podcast about white chicks. I mean, that's going to fucking happen.

The first thing that, uh, not Paris says, by the way, is we already gave to the United Negro Fund. Yep. these are pretty obviously FBI agents. Like they're dressed in FBI agent costumes. And they walk up to them like FBI agents in a, what I think is pre-planned. Like, I think they know the FBI is going to meet them.

And they're so racist that they're like, oh, no, you must be from the United Negro College Fund. Like here on the, on the airport tarmac waiting for me to get off my line. And it's one of those moments of like four-dimensional hatred. We don't know which, part of it your brain hates first

and I think my winner in the long run is somewhere behind that joke there's this idea of this like social consciousness or critique of fucking parasical or whatever and you opened with the

fucking Maraca's song who the fuck are you to be again I do think I think it's like when there's a really brightly colored lizard in nature it's like do not eat this don't consume this media like right off the bat

exactly like a poisonous frog right off the bat this is a brightly colored bird and you're like no bird is poisonous somehow there's a poisonous bird like yeah it was trying to tell you the whole time it's such a weird seed too because these are two people you know media is so much more consolidated every sort of

staring at the same two objects of like we're starting to blow up the world and the simple life is on so everyone knows there's a free just bank of jokes that this just gives up on immediately in order to invent a new form of white face you think that they're like that at least they're gonna do something with that right like when you hear that they want to do this

as a movie I can almost understand green lighting it because you're like oh you're gonna go after like the sort of advanced racism of upper class white women and like how they see the world versus how you see the world no they don't don't get into any of that. No. Oh, yeah, that is untouched territory. Yeah, you at least think, like, that's not a lot, but that's something that you want to get into that. That's probably how they got this greenlight, and then they just did, like,

1960s jokes about how women be crazy and women be shopping, and like, and then racism, 1960s racism throughout the rest? Like, that's, why, why any of this? Why did you need to dress up as a woman? Yeah. This is a weird metaphor, but, it feels almost like wacky racers and each car is like hatred of a different demographic and the entire episode like hatred of white women

is like snidly woodbush it keeps on stopping the cheat and other cars keep slipping it so it never gets its chance to shine never gets its chance and then in the last two minutes fucking hatred of black women just hits the fucking gas yeah it's like

it's like fucking twist metal, just knocking up their cars aside, off the road into the fucking water, like a clown with flaming hair, there's probably a joke about a flaming weave somewhere that your mind is numb to at that point.

It's just taking the lead. It's your classic racial rubber banding. We know what you're saying. Classic racial, wacky races, rubber banding. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. The game It's like, no, no, no, this race has

falling behind. We got to get that out in front. I think one of the things that shocks me in this movie more so than just the racism is how quickly we accelerate to this insane plot. Like, we meet these girls that get tiny little scars in their face. Like, we can't go to the Hamptons. They're like, well, if they don't go to the Hamptons, we can't bait the kidnappers with their, like, kidnappable bodies. I've got it.

Cut to fucking the FBI costume team dressing them up in whiteface. There's a racist FBI costume team, like on call. If you need to have racist prosthetics, there's a whole team on call. It's the best. That's fucking crazy. Like, do they get a CSI show? That's a great question. Law and Order, special hatred unit, I don't know.

S.H.U, yeah. So there's like a three-minute montage where they're painting them white. And then these two inhuman monsters come out. Like, the poster does not prepare you to see these things in motion. They look like fucking Jiminy Glick and Jiminy Glick. This movie is set in the 21st century. There has to be something, something that wasn't what comes out of this fucking scene. I actually, I wrote a Sean Baby joke for this.

Oh, please. I'd love to hear it. They looked like the T-800 walked into a nail salon instead of a biker bar and said, I need your skin, your hair, and your titties. Holy shit. Okay, hold on. I do have a Terminator joke I wrote somewhere in here. Yes.

Let's see how close they are. I just said they look like half-destroyed Terminator. I didn't get into the nail salon, but yes, I love that. Yours is much better. Yours is a better me joke. That is good stuff. It's like, it's that or, I don't know, maybe if Buffalo Bill drank a lot. I also have Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie hollowed out by bees.

And my last one is advanced sex robots forgotten for eons at the bottom of the sea and reanimated by future aliens to answer questions about what humanity used to be, but all they can do is pretend to suck dick. God. Okay, I have one more. They look like a burn unit drag show. Oh, shit.

They're monstrous. They are monsters. Like, you're like, well, no one would buy this. They immediately forget their disguise. Both of them, the second a male girl. Gates touches them. Like, some guy's like, oh, hello. And they're like, what the fuck did you just say?

Like, they completely forget their whole deal. And they do that 20 more times. Yeah. I got this for you. Kiss my black ass. Cut it out. What? He's looking at me like I'm some kind of girl, man?

You are a girl. And you better start acting like one of the, oh, you're going to be an unemployed girl. Oh, damn. Should like to cut that cake. Hey, yo, hold it. Hey, yo, you're trying to look at my lumps? Hey, hmm. Tranny's on dowels.

That joke you just witnessed, I hope you liked it. I hope you loved it. I hope it spoke to you. I hope that it tickled the part of your brain that brings back childhood joy. Because we are going down permutations of that shit for two hours in this movie. Yeah. That's their joke. They just keep forgetting.

Yep. They just keep forgetting. And I guess everyone has been like shot in the head and past FBI fuckups in this movie because no one is. picking up the trail of clues they're putting down including his wife's whole Terminator thing I guess we're a very Terminator podcast today. They look like Terminators.

Like better movies trying to kick their way into that brain space that is currently white chicks. But while he's being hunted by his wife who, this is what drives me insane. Okay, a lot drives me insane. This is the most mundane thing that drives me insane. In this plot, she knows he's an FBI agent.

She knows he dresses up and goes on wild vance of dumb shit. And she gets this dead and she's a, he's cheating on me because fucking, the cloud has to sprint ahead of the fucking, the rubber banding. The rubber banding kicks in. Yep. The misogyny rubber banding has to get out ahead of the racism for once. Yeah. Or kind of side by side.

I was going to say that the plot has a coherence for like a comedy movie. And then it also kind of falls apart because they're not like two guys in this disguise doing a thing. there's like a full, like, if it was a scheme, you'd call it a Turk. Like, the FBI is controlling every aspect of this entire hotel. They have FBI agents, like, as the cashier and taking bags. And so, like, it's this huge sting operation to catch a kidnapper. And in a way that you're like, well, okay, this is insane. This would never work.

But also, I don't think the other FBI agents know about their undercover white costumes yet. That is correct. It is essential to this plot, them getting a. trouble their Eddick's game that no one knows that they went to the racism lab. Right. Except for those racism lab people who were sworn to secrecy, I guess. They didn't go back to work and say, we just dressed up Sean and Marlon Wayans, like, white girls.

It's the craziest shit we've ever done. Okay. There was like seven of them. It was a whole department. It had to have cost them like $200,000. Easily. Like billing and through government billing, at least. They had a briefcase just full of tities.

They opened it up. You could see it. Like just different prosthetic titties for Sean and Marlon Wayans. They said the collid guys from the DARPA whiteface lab. Yeah, they did this instead of like buying a tank or something. Like this is like a line. This earns a budget for this. We have a trace for this.

What's particularly insane to me about the central conceit of this movie is you assume they're going to do a like, we're going to dress up as white women and pretend to be somebody they've never seen. Classic con. We're the countess, you know, we're royalty coming in. And you don't know, so you don't want to say anything. You're like, well, they're very rich and important. I can't say that they look like bog bodies. Like, I can't say that.

So I have to pretend. But no, no, the central conceit of the movie is every, they're real people. Everybody knows the real person. All of their friends are at this party and they see these horrid monstrosities roll up that look like they ate them and are trying to become them. And they're like, oh, yeah, those are my friends. I see nothing wrong here. I've known you all my life.

That's clearly my friend. And to the extent that they know that they're supposed to be two different creatures, like there's no discerning between those creatures. I couldn't tell them at all. It is such an insane train of logic. Like, you almost think when their fucking three friends meet them, it's just going to smash cut to shoving them into the same hotel as the other two. Maybe that's just a better universe of white chicks.

No, I'm not going to punch up white chicks. I'll go fucking insane. I don't mind. I think the better movie is they kidnap those three friends. And then they get like, I don't know, some fun character actors, Louis Guzman, Paul Giamatti. And you dress them up like, Keanu Reeves, those three, you dress them up like white chicks. Now you've got five white chicks disguises. Now you're doing a two-wong-foo and a...

It's a two-wong-foo. And, you know, those three picks take us away from the, uh, core of the movie, which is, you know, your thundering jungle heart could never impersonate a white woman or something at it. It goes to so many, so many, so many places. It's funny because it's not even consistent with that, because their best friends are like, hey, there's something a little different about you. You just get a little taller. And then it cuts to the two horny guys, and they see them, and they call not the Wilson sisters. Like, that's the Wilts Chamberlain sisters. Like, they can see that these are giant 200-pound plastic monsters. But they're the only ones. They're the only ones.

And it's, but they still don't know it's different people. They just think like, you know, there's a countdown in this conversation. There's a gravity well, I feel is pulling towards and not touching. And I know it's my heart trying to save myself. So Terry Cruz has an interesting character in this situation. Okay. In this party they walk into. Yep.

And it's not apparent that he's a full Uncle Ruckus yet. But he's an Uncle Ruckus. He's an Uncle Ruckus. he's a specialty Uncle Ruckus, I would call him the sort of the living avatar of a where to white woman at joke. Yep.

That's, it's so disrespectful of you guys to spoil the movie length set up to a joke. You're right. That they're doing here. Because he comes in early, right? They show up to this socialite party

pretending to be these two white women. And Terry Cruz is a professional football player. And he shows up and he's just like, across the room he sees Marlon Wayne's dressed up and he's like oh I'm in love that's her right and then this is so early in the movie for the rest of the movie where it's setting up a joke

one joke only one with his whole character and then at the very end of the movie I mean we've already spoiled it it turns out he's an uncle ruckus and he hates black people and you're like you just you just ruined that whole ride for the people listening to this at home

yeah you're right I'm sorry for that because at first It's sort of just like he has a fetish. He's like, ooh, all these snow bunnies. I'm going to ski jump off the white bunnies. You're like, okay, I get what he's saying. He's inventing a new type of racism that we don't quite speak, but like, we kind of get it. That is not gross. Plus, Terry Cruz pulls it off.

Like, I's like, yeah, I bet Terry Cruz has sex with white women. Sure. Why not? The really fascinating thing about this character, who is one of the worst things ever fucking seen is Terry Cruz is a charm factory, and he attacks these lines. with as much ability as I think anyone possibly could. Absolutely. And it leaves me imagining somehow there is actually a worst world

where not even a bad actor, just another person was saying every version of, the first words he says are, a white girl of a black ass. And it's just someone, anyone else saying those words for an hour and 45 minutes. And I think we would have had new race riots. All right, Paul Giamatic.

Paul Gimani can pull it off. Yeah, he's that good. Paul Gimani. Oh, Paul Gimani doing like a shoot-em-up thing in this. This would be interesting. Yeah. Exactly what I was picturing, yes. So I think that that universe at this one are the only two intact ones left.

Like all the others just collapsed into white chicks' holes. Oh, just like Terry Cruz. I think that they wrote a lot of the movie around this scene because the rivals come over and they're like, they start to do like a mean girls thing. But they're like, oh, we're not girls. We're like black men. So we have special black man abilities like yo mama jokes. So they start having a yo mama joke off, which is something that the Wayans brothers feel strongly that they are good at because they actually put out a card game called the dozens.

That's just mama jokes. I have some here. This one is a giant woman in a bikini. It says, yo mama's so fat. She carries a microwave like a beeper. Just a real coherent comedy sensibility on all of them. these because see she carries the microwave because she's so fat you see and she thinks okay here's a good one here's you'll love this one your mama's so ugly her simi's twin committed

suicide see that's fun for a lot of reasons like I'll take it over this movie it it it implies it implies that there is a level of ability a that they're capable of that is above this movie. So, like, yes, this is hackwork for them. Just for fun, I want you to try to picture the illustration for that last one I read. Your mama's so ugly, your Siamese twin committed suicide. How do you think the world's greatest artist would illustrate that? It's a man with two heads scenario, so just another head on the body.

But the other head is kind of hot. It's like lolling limply with like maybe exes fries. Interesting. Dinar, do you have a... I'm going to go with a half-broken mirror and a drop of blood outside, just some real horrifying shit. Oh, that's nice. Imply the horror. No, no, no.

What this is is a very, very racial what they thought was Siamese, but just as sort of an amalgamation of East Asian stereotypes. Joined at the side with a woman dressed exactly the same red, frilly, lacy shirt with blue skirt. Weirdly hairy legs. You don't know what that's about. one of them is they're having a picnic with two plates of food and one of them is being literally hung from a tree at this very moment but they've been dead but they've been dead for weeks wow it's like it's horrifying and incomprehensible I'm sorry I said that thing about that implying that they have a level

of ability above I've never been so wrong so fast I could we can I'm starting to think because I was so young I really do think I may have just imagined most of in living color

like that show just doesn't fucking exist I love that show as a kid like I switched to that from Saturday Night Live because it like really spoke to my like 13 year old sensibilities but yeah none of it really holds up okay so there's like

the glorious show that you remember is just in your imagination. You go back and it's all going to be white chicks. Like if you go back to your childhood in general, it's just a field of white chicks. White chicks all the way. Just a bleak field of white chicks where nothing can grow. Yep. But make them

gay. They're gay white chicks. Oh wait. We've got some of those jokes. They've got that in the bag. They're loading that gun. Oh, yeah. All right. So they do a shopping. We've got to do a shopping scene. Like every, every single set up to a bit in this movie is like you knew this was going to be in the movie as soon as

you heard the premise you're like oh okay they got to go shopping now it's just i want to stop you i'm sad we skipped the wheelchair i feel like the wheelchair oh we forgot the wheel i thought in the terry cruz all right i i feel like that demonstrates their um it's almost like a family guy gag where he says you know what they say once you go black you'll need a wheelchair and it's terry so it almost works. Like, his comic timing is just very professional. And then, just to put a button on that, a woman, presumably he fucked before,

just like rolls up in a wheelchair, just to be like, oh, hey, Terry Cruz, I'm that woman, you fucked until their spine collapsed, I guess. But then they, like, they don't go anywhere with it. But it is, like, a full-on, like, wrong reality, like, family guy cut in. It will become their primary callback throughout the movie. You're like, okay, that was the setup, maybe.

Like, where are you going to go with that? And they're like, baby? I'm going to go right back to the start again and again that's not how that works that's not how a callback works just to get the precise pH of this movie just two

small notes after the black girl with a white girl's ass line he does in fact add I'm taking that home to mama yeah not great writing locks in on Marlin like we are really stuck on this Terminator thing today I know that but you have to

said that he is a race, fetish Terminator. Like, they sent that back in time, just make sure that we nuke ourselves. And again, this is the most lovable character in this movie. Up until there. Yep. And the other weird thing about this movie

is that for as chaotic and pointless as everything is, they are very attached to what they think is structure. And if you are pirating, I stole this, fuck them. I'm not paying that. If you are watching this movie legitimately, you might notice that exactly 20 fucking minutes they are putting on their camera masks

but I've been holding us back from shopping the purity of shopping. So yeah you knew the shopping scene like you could everybody that heard this premise wrote this entire movie in their heads and like it's the movie you wrote in your head when you heard the premise but just like add worse comedy and more racism and like more women hating into it well add two it was in 2004 add 2004 to it's pretty

accurate for its time. But they're doing the clothes shopping bit and it's just, it's exactly what you think. Like there's a couple of young perverts that are peeping up skirts and oh my God, they see balls and they want to throw up. And then like, Marlon and Sean get in the dressing room with the, with the other women and they're like, they get super horny watching them change. Women's clothes are hard to fit into. Women be shopping. Women be crazy. There's a scene where Jennifer Carpenter has like a full three minute emotional breakdown about how fat she is. And she's like very, very, very thin.

And that's the joke, I guess. But like, they just, she just keeps going. And it came from nothing. He's like, oh, you look really sexy in that outfit. She's sexy, I'm so fat. And then just sort of keeps saying that. And there must have been an hour of footage and they're like, God, how do we cut this down to three minutes? I believe I had that cover when I said, women be crazy.

It is one of the peak women be crazy. ones, she shouts, I'm Tina, the talking tummy while grabbing her stomach. Yeah. She also shouts the N-word at one point. She shouts some stuff. So this isn't the car. This is the car on the way here.

And it's one of the worst seeds in the movie, is that a lot of the movie is inventively hateful in ways you don't see. This scene is special because they mechanically marched through the rap song comes on they say they drop two ed bombs

uh okay white girls say say it too and it's not so much what's happening it is but you are almost dumb to it at that point but it has to keep throwing

these liver punches where it's just going to do it after all this wackadoo crazy like you know what it's going to happen next in the most robotic straightforward manner possible that's

that's the worst part of this movie and like that happened so many times and it's like it's the worst part of being ever executed. It's like why they give you the bag when you're going to be executed because the worst part is like the march down there to see it, right? You don't want to watch and like the

anticipation of it. But like this is being executed without the bag every time. Like you just have your eyes wide open walking. Yeah. You're like I know what this is. I know what's going to happen and there's nothing I can do about it. There's a there's a moment here that is like, kind of accidental and meta, but probably the best joke in the movie where they're singing the Vanessa Carlton song and they say, hey, take it away, Wayne's brothers, and they don't know the words of the Vanessa Carlton song. And that's what makes them really suspicious. Like, they're constantly saying things like, I'm a black man. And they're like, that was a weird thing for my white lady friend to say. But here they don't know Vanessa Carlton song.

And they're like, I don't know about these fucking girls. Something's wrong. I just thought that was very funny that that's the only time anyone gets suspicious, the closest as it came to blowing their cover. Yeah. They're being followed by the rival FBI agents who are doing, they have one running joke that they do. I'm just going to play their first instance of it. Okay, who would you do? Janet Reno or Rosie O'Donnell? Oh, come on.

And you got to kiss them and go down on them. What? Are you kidding me? And death is not an option. That's the extent of the joke. I hope it tickled that part of your brain. Because every time these motherfuckers. are on screen, they are going to

just name someone who doesn't look like Hallie fucking Barry or some shit and present touching them as something like putting your dick in a blender and drinking the remains. And later on they do one where they're like Pam Anderson or

I forget who else, what the other one was but two attractive women, they're like, oh but they both have a yeast infection. What is the point of that? What is that one for real? What, like, we broke out of the mold a little bit there, and you're like, okay, so what are you going to do with that? And they're like, and nothing, we're going to go right back in the mold, because they do it again, and it's back to the original joke format of two, two hideous women.

Again, the way that it keeps slipping me, like, when I am finally braced for hate, it goes back to me, like, physically gross in some way. Yeah, there's a lot of fart jokes we're overlooking. Yeah, there's a, I do want to talk about the farts. but there's a scene here where after the shopping a purchase snatcher steals I think it's Sean's bag and so he like

chases after the person at you and the movie establishes that these guys are not like physically imposing men but here in this scene he's like the fastest man on the planet so he dressed as the white woman that's like chasing him down

and tackles him and there's like no arrest or anything the guy's just like why did you do this for just a bag And he goes, it's not just a bag, it's Prada, which is like a sad whimper of a joke, like Left for Dead in a Romantic comedy three decades ago. But I think it points out the fundamental flaw with the structure of the film. This is the reverse of the trope, not a subversion.

These movies are supposed to make the white people more black, right? Like, it's supposed to help the squares understand black culture. The whites are supposed to start saying shizzle, homeboy, grandma's supposed to hit the chronic. You rap. You've seen this movie a thousand. times. But in this one, the black characters are learning the value of white. And I know how this is going to sound. Whatever they were trying to go for, it is status quo propaganda. And that's what's so fucked up about it to me. It is absolutely. You're right. It's on the side.

I don't know. They surely didn't mean to do this on purpose. Is this like the shadow over in both racial comedy? Like everyone just finds their inner core white girl. Yeah. This is pro, this is pro-whitey propaganda. This is pro-whitey in a way that is really unusual for the genre. Like if you're to watch the Queen Latifah Steve Martin one, or True Identity, or Marcy X, or

God, there's so many of them. Soul, plain. Like, those movies fundamentally are about the default culture adopting the more fun black culture. This is complete the opposite. Yeah, this is just... I will say.

They feel the rich history of Prada, wiping away all of that jungle nonsense that they brought in here. I just don't think anybody needs to be, to hear the lesson, it's really fun in America to be white and rich. Like, I think they assumed. Yep. Like, that's not a

controversial viewpoint that you need to do a movie about. And then at the end, we all learned, yeah, we knew that. We knew that part. That's the problem. I mean, originally. I think the thing that always kills me during this is sometimes I like to think about what a movie thinks I'm like like it assumes this is what I want to see this is you and for white chicks there is a huge go fuck yourself factor to that

exactly this is what the Wayne's brothers think you're like I will say that that uh that scene the the chasing only genuine laugh that was somewhat close to what they intended that this movie got out of me. And it's just like the joke, okay, the joke that they meant from that scene when the guy grabs a person runs away and then Sean just runs him down is like, oh, because a woman couldn't do that.

A woman couldn't run that fast and she wouldn't be like brave like that, which that sucks. But just another point of the omnisciential hate crime. You know, just a little, a lap into wacky race. Just up in the little corner of the margin. Let's keep a little tally. But they keep

like to sell that, they keep doing the shot over the criminal's shoulder as Sean just slowly runs faster and faster and runs him down, only he's still in those terrifying prosthetics and it's so fucking, it's like he's being run down by a woman exploding in slow motion, and it's so

fucking scary, it's like an Apex twin video, you're just like fucking, it loops back around to so scary that it's funny again and like, I really did laugh for a long time at that scene. Suddenly being chased my fucking nemesis. Like, that is,

You're right when he looks over his shoulder. That's the scariest fucking thing that you could imagine back there. It's an out of control sex bot just coming to tear you apart. And good job. That was close. That was good. I mean, you didn't totally inside that.

Yeah. There's another, there's a moment coming up where they give, he gives cornrows to busy Phillips. And this is one of those moments where I was like, okay, the screenwriter remembers that these guys are supposed to have like black people powers, right?

Like, in this kind of movie, we should have had at least five gags where they do something that's suspiciously not white. Like, you know, they should be rapping all the time or something or I don't know. I think the bit, I know that's going to sound, but I think the movie could benefit from much, much more racism, right? You get what I'm saying, right? We can cut all this, Jamie. My point is, I see, there's a universe where this has a point or a direction or an idea. Like, it has thoughts about race and racism instead of just vomiting. racial stereotypes, and they use that as the plot or the jokes.

And this is just not this. They somehow wrote an entire race-swapping, gender-swapping movie without understanding gender or racial stereotypes. These guys, Sean and Marlon Wans, and this movie, they're just a couple real weird people. They're not specifically black. And that's, you know what I mean? That's the problem I happen. Not racist.

Put it on the record. I could at least understand that that would be a universe where there would be a reason that this movie happened. And right now, I can't figure it out. like, it has that dodecahedron of hate thing where if the credits were not slammed on it, I could not tell you the beliefs or identity or track record of the people that wrote it. Like, it could be a back and forth between an imperial wizard and some fucking Yakub guy. Yacob guy.

Holding signs on different ends of the fucking A-train, drawing increasingly more hateful cartoons of the world that they've been. believe. That slowly they find camaraderie and love just their hatred for flesh. The movie hates meat. The movie thinks that meat should not be. Story by Sean Wayans

screenplay by David Duke and Jacob. Communicating via semaphore at all times. Yeah, so we're onto the slumber party scene. That's where she braids her hair. Right, right. He braids her hair.

There's a slumber party scene in a 2004 comedy. Like, this was a hack joke in the 60s, and we're like, women, grown women do slumber parties. That's, it's so inexplicable what they might think of women. And I want to give two examples here,

that the women, these are the actual female characters, not the Wayne's brothers, like mistakenly being put in charge of the slumber party and book in the wrong stuff. That would have been, I don't know,

at least recognizably a joke structure. No, no, no. The actual women are in charge of the slumber party, and what they do is pull out a dildo and say let's practice show us how you give head on this because that's what us women do when we're together alone now that we have been unobserved in 45 seconds yeah like that's that's what they do the other thing they do for their slumber party is book male strippers to come perform

a rape fantasy on them yeah and this doesn't go well because Sean now all of a sudden can fight so he completely fucks up the strippers and yeah they knew that. Everybody knew that as soon as I said. Their combat ability ramps up whenever it can move towards some kind of hate crime. Like something that would just get these federal agents thrown into like Fort Bragg or some shit. Just what is our observation about women here that they love they love performing fallacious pantomime for each other and they wish they got attacked by strange men more? I don't think that's a valid observation. It's one of those stories it's much more about the storyteller than the story itself.

And again, it goes back to the thing where it all feels like rumors about each group. And it's, one thing that's kind of weird to be about it is I totally get the fucking hate Gatling Gun refracting back on its owner, like how you see yourself. But it's weird to me how basic the hateful things about black dudes too are. Like I think there would be some kind of like deep cut shit. Like maybe one of them has like a Hothepi attitude or something. but it also just sounds like a white guy from like 20 years earlier than the movie's set writing black jokes. I don't know. Like, I understand that you don't know how women are, but you got to know what some kind of people are like.

It's like, do you know what you are like? Do you know what people think you are like? Do you know what men are like? Could you at least get to this doesn't come across like you know what men are like either? Have you ever worn a full latex suit? Because they go to the beach in their fucking glimony glicks suits, like with bikinis over them. Like, they just look like beach balls that have somehow come to life to, like, beg for death. What have you made?

Kill me. Yeah, I've gotten really distracted by the flashing light of misogyny that I really have overlooked how much of a swamp creature they have decided to make these costumes. Yeah, it's hard to, like you, I'm going to. I mean, we've done this. It's a bosom buddies or whatever. It's a Mrs. Jopfire, if you want to put prosthetics on. Absolutely. There's a way to do this where you don't look like just an absolute abomination, where you don't look like my shadow self that has absorbed all of my corruption. Like, yeah. It's just this melting inhuman thing. It's so terrifying at all times. And like, it's kind of funny how nobody comments on the monsters in their midst. if that's like the, if that's the metaphor of the movie. The crimes against God and that you never stop realizing that.

Like, you see, you see these suits and you think what kind of like hideous cartoon like drawn by like a fucking J.K. Rowling Akalite has been created here. What is this thing? It is a hateful political cartoon by somebody that can't draw. It's like early AI does a hateful political cartoon. Right. Oh, this doesn't understand what faces are. Not yet. Not quite sure who it's about, but you know it's mean-spirited. We're doing an all-monster bosom buddies. And like, on paper, that sounds great. Right. It's wild that that's not fun. This is when a second movie starts because now Sean Wands wants to impress this reporter. So he turns back into his regular

human self, but not him. He's like, I'm Terry Cruz. I want to impress you. you by pretending to be this pro football player. So he's doing like a fake persona that just to like fuck a girl. He's like, he's doing, I don't know what, she's all that or whatever. He's doing like a second zany comedy. He's adding recursion to this. There is a still shift of a better version of this where they keep recursing. And I could almost understand there would be like some kind of fucking point here.

Like if after this, I don't know, maybe she's a CIA agent. She's just trying to dose the water supply for some fashion or really. reason, and then maybe the white girls or some kind of thing going on. And she's like, the only way we can save the breakdancing orphanage is if we take this Little League team to the championship, and to do that, we need to stay overnight in this haunted house. And you're like, God damn it, this is too many movies. Maybe this is another direction.

Like, maybe if reality melting, like, I guess I want this to be the man who was Thursday, but just ridden by an imperial wizard. But again, a better movie. Yeah. A better, a better, more consistent film. I'll tell you what took me out of this, is that he, I didn't understand that Terry Cruz, they just said he's a pro ball player, right? And so I foolishly assumed, perhaps these are my prejudices to deal with,

I assumed football player because he's shaped like Terry Cruz. And they say, no, no, no, he's a basketball player. So you caught an exact glowing fuck-up in this. It hits me every time because I don't know if it's possible to look more like a football guy than Terry Cruz. He's a 6'3-250 pound of pure muscle basketball player? It would be... Like a horizontal check? He's a horizontal shack.

He's a double Xavier McDaniel. I guess in this world where these monsters are real, maybe basketball has... different rules. A football has different rules where a football coach does not shoot a tranquilizer gun at Terry Cruz to try to take him back to training camp, you know? Right. Yeah. Like in this world, in this world, basketball is how many basketballs you can eat. And Terry Cruz is really good at that. Oh, man, I always remember his line. I thought it was the beach party, but I think it's the, um, the dinner party you're talking about. But when Terry Cruz just says, let's go hunting, I am struck by the fact that I think if he was not the one saying it, I would physically turn off the film.

Yep. He makes all of this shit work. Up until the very last thing he says, I think everything he says works. Okay, this is the scene I maybe want to talk about the most. So Marlon's on a date with Terry Cruz because he, like, bought her at the auction. And she looks like a corpse found in an ancient volcanic eruption. and it's just something about this date scene, like the makeup is just wrong more than it is other parts in the movie.

And then Terry Cruz, they put on Vanessa Carlton. Like Marlon puts it on the radio and Terry Cruz sings the whole thing and it is the best. I love the scene for a couple reasons. At first, Terry Cruz is 10 out of 10 charming. He's the best. But I love it as a writing failure because in this scene, Marlon is terrified that Terry Cruz, this unstoppable muscle monster, is going to dominate himself.

sexually. So the challenge given to the screenwriter, or all six screenwriters, was, this character needs to put a song in the radio that no one can rape to. And here's what's crazy is they thought they came up with something. They're like, okay, well, no beef monster can get a boner near this song. It is the wrong answer to a question only a madman would ask. And it's amazing that it's in a movie and it's like, it's fucking fun. Like, I guess my real point is, uh, how is Terry Cruz's game not working on Marlon. Again, it's 2004 and everyone was afraid of gay. But I think it was a mistake for the casting director to make the unthinkable sexual threat so lovable and beautiful.

I just want to say it that they should have cast Dean Kane if Marlon Waynes is supposed to not want to fuck him. Don't put our hero on a date with this cute muscle hunk who steals every scene and expect us to go, oh, I hope they don't fuck. It's stupid. Jimmy leave all this in. I will tell Terry Cruz to his face he's funny and beautiful. This is what happens when you overcomplicate your hate. You forget basic principles. Like, you would do most things with Terry Cruz, you know?

And, but they are so... We're all in agreement, right? A beautiful man. Yeah, you need to pivot. Like, I understand they wrote this movie and they wrote this part. But, like, as a filmmaker, when Terry Cruz comes on set and just starts fucking stealing the show like this, you need to pivot and be like, okay, so this is actually a love story between Terry Cruz and Marlon Wayne's.

I'm like, I'm sorry that the world is not ready for that. in 2004, but that's the movie we have to make, because that's what everybody's rooting to happen now. So this is our, I think, fifth rewrite of this film to something that does not increase your, like, blood toxicity? Yeah, if he wound up happy at

the end, and they just got married, and we're like, yeah, we love each other, whatever. Marlon discovers something about himself. Yeah, you can get, like, an endorphin from that. At least somebody has an arc there, because that doesn't, I guess that's spoilers. If somebody was

expect, if somebody who's expecting this to end with satisfying character arcs, no. Nobody learns anything. Does it count as an arc if Terry gets worse? I would say that Marlin, a negative arc is an arc. That counts. I guess, I think Marlon gets worse. The wife character somehow in every scene is just a bigger caricature of this elemental angry black woman thing that leads me to assume that they just have not like seen one. Yeah, they are all Terry Cruz in their personal lives. They only date white women. Yeah.

That's why they got that character. Speaking of racism. Black body swinging. They get to dinner and Sean is, Sean Wayans is parking car somehow. And it's like this weirdly wrong version of the movie trope. You know, when like a black character gets mistaken for a valet. It's just like this, I guess he's off camera having his own like zany romp and he got a job as the valet is that what happened is am i crazy i think the only way you can read the scenes like that

in this movie is that there's some kind of sci-fi shit going on there there's just different racism in this world okay so like it's just it's just new rules in this reality so I have... Yeah. Same swamp monsters. Something just occurred to me. They might have like screenplay powers, whereas like this character needed to get to that scene,

and he's like, well, how do I get there? Oh, look, there's a part here in this scene for a valet. And he can, as a black character, you can just teleport into that role. I don't know, it's just a theory. It's a half-bake theory. It just occurred to me. I'll work on it.

could hold water, though, because they definitely do not go back and reread anything that happens here. No. This is a 0.5 draft. If I could go back to that auction for a second, the one where he buys Marlon Waynes, and

I think when it comes to the auction of a person, I think that's the only, like, basic race hate joke they skipped, or maybe that's not basic enough. Maybe that's why it doesn't happen. It does seem, they, weird, they didn't do anything with it, where you're like, oh, no, a racial comedy with a person auction? Oh, this could be

a dark joke. No, it's like it didn't seem to occur to them. It's just not in their list. It's not part of their field of dreams vision for the perfect hate dodecahedron. Can we get away from the implied rape slave auction and get to the club scene? Oh, okay, so we want to go to overt. I feel that. We're skipping the farts. Oh. Oh, we can't. I didn't take a clip

of the farts if that's what you're hoping for. It's okay. But they did have a fart on. She farts on Ter Cruz to like try to, she's doing everything she can to like de-escalate the sexual situation, but nothing works. She's like biting her toenails off and farting. He's like, oh, I love one.

Ladies, fart on me. He farts back on her. Just in the restaurant, they're having a fart contest. Not the first fart gag in the movie either. No, we skipped most of them. Marlon farted so hard. He was like shooting his limbs in each direction. It really marks it as a terrible movie from this specific

time periods. The club scene marks it as a terrible movie from this specific time period because not only we're going to have a dance off mandatory for every movie of this era, but the plot here is that the rival girls, so there's like some rival of Vandergilt twins are the evil rival socialites to the Wayne's brothers socialites and their core friend group. And they have boyfriend so they have one kind of doofus boyfriend and one that's supposed to be a charming hunk that are kind of always around being the butt of the men's jokes oh yeah there's a subplot that is nothing where one of the friend girls really wants or is already fucking one of them but yeah and wants them to be in love with her and like that's that's like the dynamic that's going on

in this club and then terry cruz comes in and he somehow just kind of runs into to the dufous boyfriend of the rival group and it's just like the dupist boyfriend is just like hey you're trying to fuck that that horrible man beast out there right and he's like yeah but it's turning

out to be really tough and he's like well hey I've got some roofies you should give her some roofies because this is 2004 and Terry Cruz says okay I'm going to give her roofies again 2004 then Marlin sees that there are roofies in there

and just rolls his eyes and he's like classic trying to roofie me and he does the playful yeah he does the playful counter Roofie where he counter Roofies Terry Cruz by switching the drinks Right Again, totally accurate portrayal

of Club Life in the 2000s but this all leads to a culmination where Terry Cruz has accidentally roofied himself and the dufous boyfriend accidentally roofies himself and then the next day they wake up in bed together

because they had gay sex. That's it. That's the perfect 2000s joke. It's the 2000s, everybody. We made it. It's a really elegant 2004 joke, absolutely. Better than any time stamp. Like, if they had flashed the date on screen

in the first frame of the film, I would not have known more than when you see those sheets. You will never forget that this was the 2004 movie. Like, if this comes up, If you go to the wrong bar and they're like, what year was white chicks, you first of all, get out. They're going to kidnaping bar. That's a kidnapping bar. I'm going to tell my final, I'm going to go back to the 2004 edition of my final draft and just say comedy template.

Yep, the scene is already in the movie for me. It's cool. Yeah, they just use the basic, the basic X template. Somehow it's already here. We wrote the movie around this. This was the seed of the movie. Back in the club, they do have like a choreographed dance off with the rivals. And like this is one of the few times where the movie that Sean was talking about comes out.

Where like the Wayne's brothers are, oh, okay, our group is losing the dance off. We're going to come out knowing like a perfect breakdancing routine. Exactly. Secret black guy powers. All black men know how to break dance. Like that's ridiculous, right, Dynard? Wouldn't that be just the moment? really weird stereotype to just emerge at random points. Yeah, so when it comes to me in the breakdancing thing, by the way,

you know how in your favorite films, you know, you watch a good movie, down a Death of Stalin or some shit, you can almost find like new things to love every time, right? Yeah. The last time that I saw white chicks, well, second to last time, there was a whole Discord thing. Before that, last time I'd seen white chicks,

I did not know how to break dance. and I found just somehow, after years of hating this movie the way I do, there's just some new terrible shit. So it's bad breakdancing, is what you're saying. Yeah, yes, it is not great and it does a bunch of sort of lazy editing things. And it's not that it's like notably bad for any given movie where breakdancing isn't the point, but that it is somehow, somehow there is always something hiding within white chicks to liver. punch you. Yeah, just one look at this movie and I would assume that something is, there's, there's just a Russian doll of, of crimes and racism in there that's just going to keep unstacking forever. It really is. And sometimes I think they're trying to do a completion, a completionist

thing, like just every axis of groups in America. Because way back during that date where he's impersonating Terry Cruz, they drive everything to a halt, to a halt, just to make sure to get two quick minutes of Asian racism, like East Asian racism in there. I don't even remember that. The maid, Terry's maid. Yes. Yes. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And she's like speaking Cantonese. And he's like, get the fuck out of here. Doesn't call the police, I guess. She's just like, okay. Yeah, we can only assume that during her phone call with the police about the man breaking into her employer's home, that they are also having like stock racist reactions, I guess.

Right. Like, she's just screaming at them in Chinese. They're like, oh, this isn't even a language. Sounds like she's speaking Guantanamela. It's the whole movie's a neurotoxin. You can almost see the world that they do. You just stayed in Innsmouth too long and you're a fucking fish now. And the cop's like, in a fucking, he's an Italian cop and like a pizza chef outfit.

God. You call a Mario's the pizza. a precinct. You're traxing. That's a better movie. You're right. I'm traxing. All right.

Where are we? So, I think they just fucked. I think Terry Cruz fucked the dumb guy. Yeah, Terry Cruz fucked the dumb guy. And he has to roll back into the hotel the next day in a wheelchair because Terry Cruz dick is so big. It rips his asshole apart. That's the joke.

That's the joke we're coming back to. Holy crap. My mind actually defended me from that memory. Like that happened in the movie. Well, it comes around. There's one more callback to the wheelchair. The wheelchair is like a primary joke. It's a load-bearing joke for this movie

is that Terry Cruz has a huge dick. Yeah, I feel like it'd be a better joke if they, like, had Terry Cruz in the wheelchair. And then you'd be like, what? And then you'd have to spell it out. He'd have to look at the camera and be like, so that's what that feels like, right? But, like, I still feel like that's a better direction

to go with the comedy. And then pull his tie, Rodney Danger's style, of course. He's the guy with a big old hog this time. That joke sounds like it would take, like, a writer, like, a third second to thaw or to press, like, backspace twice or some shit. We're not about that today. That's not what Whitechicks is here for. Yeah, I don't want to brag, but I'm a two backspace writer. So the real socialite girls are still hold up in their hotel room when they see a paper that has, like, the Wilson sisters take over the Hamptons.

And they're like, oh, my God, we did it. Wait, we're not up there. We must have been cloned. And so they, they're going to go up to the Hamptons and then, like, confront the Wayne's brothers, who they believe to be their clones. Also, this is going to reveal my terrible art school priorities, because we are, like, you know, three rape jokes or rape tentpole things in, right? I think so much. Yeah, it was way more than that, true. I guess, like, three, you know, plot essential ones.

Load bearing rick jokes. Okay. and it is insane to me that we are this many of those in and these two as a core fucking plot point are just coming back now like someone's late fucking homework crashing back into this movie and aren't you the premise or some shit what the hell is happening oh yeah I forgot I forgot that was the premise forgot they were in the movie entirely also Marlon Wayne's wife is jealous control

wife is coming up to the Hamptons and so they're doing it's just so funny when a terrible movie starts to do the all all the chess pieces are arriving on the board what what machiavellian schemes am I arranging here how shall they play against each other and like no you're just gonna smear him and shit and slap them on the floor we know that yep but you think like oh it's all in play it's just it's cute that they think like third act let's get all the characters together and then just I don't know they all fart they all fart together what do they at least all fall down

into the web of a master storyteller that's the sense I get when they start doing like all the pieces the pieces you got everybody's got to come back and have a role to play and I in our intricate dance no dude no you don't have we know you don't have it all right we know you're not going to get it and they don't the third act is such a fucking mess

when it comes to that whole third act shuffle. There is a moment where I'm fixated on this one scene because when the two agents bring like the original pair back to you know, cop Yeah, the Wilson sisters. The Wilson sisters. Yeah, the Wilson's sisters show back up. And like when they bring them and the

Well, hold on, hold on. You got to you got to set up that the rival FBI agents have just tossed the hotel room of the Wayne's brothers and found their their terrible masks and instantly reasoned, oh, these are men. So we know that this is the, this is the Wayne's brothers who are doing this. And then the real girls show up. No, then he sniffs the panties. I think it's important to tell everyone that he sniffs the panties.

That's another thing my brain was defending itself from the panty sniff, to which the other one then just goes right in like a sniper with the homophobia. Yep. He's like, those are dudes panties. Man's panties. What you were doing wasn't gross before, but now it's disgusting. Very. But yeah, that's the setup for what you were talking about.

Now the FBI agents have just corralled the real girls believing they're the Wayne's brothers. Yes. Oh, God. That's when it gets fucking crazy. You start praying to fucking comedies. I know this is one of the three scenes you knew we're going to be in the movie. You have something. You have to have something.

here. I guess he basically beats the piss out of her, but in like a three stooges kind of way. Yeah. Like they're pulling on the wig. Ha ha, look at this wig. And it's like, oh, no, that's her real hair. And they're like, okay, well, how do you explain these? Tears off her shirt. And then they're like, oh, okay, those are terrific tits. You're like, okay, end the scene. And then the other guy's like, no, how would they have these? And he's like, rips off her skirt to reveal obviously Sean Wayne's penis, but instead it's a naked woman, and now they've just stripped two women naked after kind of roughing them up a bit. I don't think it would have been better if they did like rip out a man's dick. I feel like that would be like, ah, everybody, look at this man's penis,

doesn't make it better. So I feel like the plan was doomed to begin with, but the fact that they were so wrong, after so much evidence, because again, these women are half the size of Sean and Marlon Wayans, without any exaggeration. And they're not exploding total recall style in the vacuum of space. That too, yeah. They are not leaking the vital essence of their life from each island. Again, I don't understand how these guys weren't promoted on the spot. This is excellent FBI work.

This is what the FBI is for. There's a scene where they had, I think it was Marlon and the woman he's supposed to be disguised as come out together. on the fashion show. And you could see them side by side and like, he has like nine times her face. Like, it's obvious they're different people, right? Like, look at how smart we are

to be able to tell the difference. But when we have next to each other, it's like, well, there's no suspension of disbelief capable of making this movie work. They should have thrown the whole fucking idea in the trash after the first costume fitting, is my point. I was almost on board with the fashion show part. All right, so this is like the big finale of the movie,

the big little final party and they the Wayne's brothers they find out that they're supposed to be like headlining the fashion show and then the the real Wilson sisters I think they are are released from the FBI they come in looking for their clones and then nobody can tell the difference

between the two so the guy running the fashion show was like oh my God I told you guys to get in your outfits so now they're all in the fashion show together and like I had a little bit of hope for this like they were going to come out when you hit those things that are This is the reason this movie exists.

This was our vision. Please believe in it. And they're trying to do the whole who's on first thing. And I... They start to have it a little bit. I guess the best joke it has, or is I just thought like, oh, at least you thought about this is the first time, like, one from one pair and another from the other pair come out at the same time.

And I'm like, oh, hey, here's a joke that's based on something other than, like, the unspoken hate that has existed between humans since Kane turned unable. That's cool. That's a nice change of fucking. face right you that's exactly what i assume like they here's the setup like you actually have the setup it's a little hacky you know it's coming like every part of this movie you're marching down the gallows and you're looking right at them you know this is coming but you're still like okay well then the real girls come out and then the other girls come out and people are like oh my god

how did they do that have they changed so fast and then two of this allegedly the same girl come out and like i don't know let's make a joke about like oh my god one of them's a man how did i not see that or something because he looks like a monster like I don't know there should be some there should be something there but then the movie's like no nobody can tell the difference everybody's just gently confused she's looking at him and thinking my god it's me how can this be everything in this movie works if this all takes place in like a shutter island style asylum for people with face blindness like all of all of a sudden everything makes sense It all hangs together.

I don't think it works. I want to try to explain this thing. So, okay, so I think the mean girls sabotage the outfits so that Sean and Marloniens come out and dumb dresses. And everyone laughs at their dumb dresses. They're like duckheads on the dresses. And it's like, ha, ha, ha, you look foolish. But that's not fucking real. Fashion, all kinds of fashion looks ridiculous.

None of these people in the audience would know to react like this. Then the mean girls are up on the catwalk. And so the other friends like knock them onto the ground and then they get carried by their own, like, carry plans. So they get covered in like buckets of red paint or blood or something. But the crowd loves it. The crowd's like, wow, what a powerful avant-garde artistic statement. But they're humiliated, even though the crowd loves it and they run away. So there's just like all of these things that make no sense that also aren't being explained

to the audience in the movie or the like the meta audience watching the movie. And so it's so, but you kind of understand as a writer like what they were trying to go for. But they just completely did not solve any of the problems that the screenplay. they called for it's so fucking frustrating like the whole movie should have been scrapped it's bizarre you're just watching the movie crash into itself over and over again and eventually only the islands of coherency are the hate like before this whole fashion show kicks off yeah you have the maracas the only thing that was real he looks yep the record the only thing he looks the way you're imagining he talks the way you're imagining we forgot to mention one guy fucked a dog at the club

he like made out with the dog because he was on so many Roofies. That is true. That is true. Terry Cruz is, uh, was it, was it Terry Cruz's partner? The, the dumber of the boyfriends, yeah. And Sean uppercuts that, the dog fucker, like, eight feet into the air. Sean, like, about 40 minutes into the movie, Sean Wayans becomes, like, the terminator.

I guess I'll just say he's the terminator. That point of reference. So this is like the third act coming together, only the movie doesn't have anything. And I will give it credit for knowing that because it's just like, oh, shit, I don't know. and like everything happens at once like that was their big joke was the Scooby-Doo door scene in the fashion show

which is again from the 1960s 1970s we've been doing that joke but that's that that was like their big finale as far as they're consumed now all of a sudden the kidnapper is the rival girl's father the boyfriend's in on it

they all just pull guns and are like guess I'm abandoning my entire life to do this kidnapping in the open for whatever money I get for this for whatever money I get for this now that they know who I am and I have nowhere to get away and then Sean and Marlon Wains

just jump into action and beat the shit out of some of them and then they dive in front of bullets to save. Terry Cruz dies in front of a bullet to save Marlon Wains Sean dies in front of a bullet to save the reporter who's barely been in this movie like all of this if it seems rushed

it's because all of this happens within two and a half minutes it's just like yeah we brought all the pieces together we don't know what to do with them We're just going to make them, we're just going to smash them together and I hope something comes out of this. The wife is there. The wife and the friend are at the fashion show. They serve absolutely no purpose.

She jumps on, she jumps on Sean at the end and pulls his mask off. But he was about to pull the mask off anyway. So like half of the pieces that the master has laid on the board just don't do anything at all. And he's like, but they were there, but they were there. Ha ha! Yeah, man, you had to give him a reason to be there. And you did not. It is majestic

watching them keep reaching for these broken toys on the ground and say this movie was actually about this and then the head falls off the doll shit, okay, this movie was about this in rapid fire like it tries to do a fucking card trick

and none of it's landing it is only bringing back terrible memories and as one final crime the only charming person in the movie Terry Cruz is shot and Marlon Wayne's takes off the mask to reveal he's been a man the whole time

and this happens The betrayal, man, you deceived me. Calm down. I'm an FBI agent. I was uncovering a... Negro, please. Didn't somebody tell you this was an all-white party? Huh?

Someone get this jigaboo away from me? Just nuked the only goodwill you accidentally had. It's really impressive to take this little premise here, right? Of athletes date white women often and push it much further than anyone would ever accept if you said it out loud before you shot it. Cowardous, they should have fallen in love. They should have fallen in. I was actually almost confused structurally.

In terms of this movie having some kind of point, like, wouldn't it have shipped them with one of the fucking friend group people? Like, oh, they've exchanged all this. And their last conversation really puts it in focus because you realize how pointless their entire non-cultural exchange has been. Yeah, they're trying to wrap up everything.

Like, all of a sudden, like, Oh, yeah, everybody's, clearly, we're wrapping up the story. Let's get all the other characters in here to have a big realization. And I actually have a clip with their big realization. So I guess this means we won't be hanging out anymore. Oh, don't say that. Of course we will. We'll hang out.

Yeah, we're going to all get together and we're going to go. Shop me! That's the end. That's the end of the movie. I think when they shout shopping and unison again is the closest a film has. comes to making me commit like a murder or some kind of mass self-hart. I just, the eye twitches. Imagine the gall to go out on, and they, the script has to end with.

And then they all shout together, shopping, and then slam cut to guitars. Just wild, wacky guitars. It's a happy ending. Forgot to mention that Terry Cruz is leaving with both of the real Wilson sisters who are super intrigued at the prospect of getting ripped open by his huge cocks. So glad we got a happy ending. A wheelchair is tangible. Just real glad we got that.

We shoved that last minute happy ending in for the racist rapist character. Thank God he got it wrapped up. They would have had the girls come out in a wheelchair. That would have been the third wheelchair gag and a good button for the movie. Better than the word shopping. I think if they would sit shopping and then like two wheelchairs run everyone over, a better ending. I just another note for white chicks to take. if they all just inexplicably come out in wheelchairs

yeah like he fucked he fucked everybody there they all come out in wheelchairs they all it just ends on like a slow motion interpretive wheelchair dance just go art house somehow he's in a wheelchair too it doesn't even make fucking sense at this point because fuck him yeah he just went bovius strip on that shit and then freeze frame on a dedication to the children of the special olympics you're out

Him being a clan, like, a clan diversity pick almost feels like sabotage in terms of, dude, he's actually likable. We're trying to build a fucking behelit here and people are going to love him. What do we do? We've had to say the worst things we could think of, how do we poison this man? They found a way. It's the only solution they found in the entire fucking screenwriting process is how do we make this character unlikable? They finally did something. How do we make people not love Terry Cruz?

And, uh, you know what? Still, still kind of loved him. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, Frankfurt. Our podcast can out. And with maximal in show. Talk Frankfurt podcast? Correct.

Yeah. The craft is nitratis, not under. Shik the in the hunder zone. Fior an astunder, come John, you can't see them on. 1,900, Frankfurt 1,900, Frankfurt, 1,900, Frankfurt, 1,900, Frankfurt

Once gone new and new, you know, you know, yeah Yeah, 9,000. Please welcome once again 1,900 hot dogs very own in-house comic, the overly specific insult comedian who makes things to real. It's Mr. Jimmy Juggles. Hey, thank you, thank you.

It's lousy to be here. Got a lot of Supremes in the audience tonight. Look at Aaron Crosston here. Hey, you look like you don't get enough colonoscopies. Like you're gonna die of ass cancer at 54 Just when you start really getting comfortable with who you are Oh What's a matter? A little too real for you? Yeah, I know

I'm working on that Hey, I see Adrian Hesbrook Hey, I see Alex Nolenbergh. Look at this, it's Alpha Scientist Javo Hey, and Andy, I see you back there I once went on safari with this guy and I watched him him kill a white rhino so he could powder and snort its horn. He was so sad when it did not give him an erection. I wasn't supposed to tell nobody that.

Oh, it's a very serious crime. Oh, oh. Hey, it's Armando Nava. I see Autumn Armstrong Berg. I see Bim Talser. Oh, Brandon Garlock, I know you ain't got enough in your retirement fun. You're blowing it all on Funko Pops of obscure movie monsters, and your elderly self is gonna curse you for it.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that one's a sprinkler. It was supposed to be a sprinkler. It's summer. I'm trying something. Brian Saylor, I see you there. Brock Way famously loves the meatmilly. Hey, Sarah, I'd see Chloe here. She got a face only a mother could love.

Could, but did not. Oh, oh, keep seeking that validation from camgirls and escorts, babe. That's you. That's what you do. That's not me? Why would you think that's me? That's you. I only say true stuff about you.

Like, uh, like, uh, like a common sense here. He looked like he got one of those ironic names. Like calling common sense's mother, Mrs. had a positive influence on common sense's body dysmorphia. Whoa! Hey, come on. It's just a joke. There's no truth to it. It don't mean nothing about neither of us. All right? I don't wish I was a small, frail, pale man, racked by consumption. Like, that's, I'm happy being big and healthy. That's what I like. That's what I like. Don't question it. Here's Craig Lemoyne. Let's move on. Here's Craig Lemoy. I see Dan B. I see David Scholl. I see Dean Costello. I love this guy. Dean Costello. He's.

He once watched someone he loved Drown and he was too scared to help him. So he sold the song rights to Phil Collins. You guys gotta stop trusting me with your secrets. Oh, sorry, I hiccoughed while doing that one. And it came out weird, that won't happen again. Delta, Fox Trot, Devin the Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's rad title, Edgar Matthias, you look like you find comfort at night by telling yourself nobody remembers the embarrassing stuff. you did, but I've heard it, it's all anybody talks about.

Oh, back to normal O's. Oh, it was a one-time fluke. Just like all your exes say about you, Elizabeth Shope. Oh, all right, I see Elliot Watson here, he's all right. I'm all right too. I'm glad I got my normal O's back. I was not just testing the waters for a new and scary change that I desperately want to make in my life.

Not like Eric Christianberg. Look at that ball cap. They call this the receding hairline special. Oh! I got fancy shark. I got Garrett. I got Jelloho. I got good Satan and all his hot witches over here. Oh, look at this. It's Greg Cunningham. Greg Cunningham, you work so much. Your kids are going to have trouble remembering your face after they leave for college. Oh! That one's about. you. That's not about something haunting my kids said to me. All this stuff's about you guys. Hey Haraka, a Harvey Pengweenie. Oh I'd love to see you here honk. Hey Jabberal Aiden James Boyd. I got Jared Clack. I got Jared Mountain Man. Oh I got Jared Ruiz. Hold on. Jared Ruiz here. He's gonna wait until everyone's gone

for the night and then he's gonna go around and lick all the seats of the people who didn't laugh at my jokes. That's what he's gonna do. Oh, he likes the taste of failure this guy does. Not me. Jeff O'Raskey, John McCam, and I got John Minkoff. Hey, you smell like extramarital sex, my man. Everyone can smell it. Even your wife there next to you.

She just don't have the courage to disrupt her whole life because she don't know. She's worth 10 of you because she's too fucking stupid. Oh, I got you both. Oh, I'm sorry there was again. That's weird. I don't know what's going on with that. Okay, I got, I got Joseph Searle's here. I got Josh S. I got Joshua Graves.

I got Justin B. I got Ken Paisley. I got K&M. Hey K&M, your AI girlfriend called. Just kidding. No, she didn't. Oh, there we go. That's the normal one. That's okay. Everything's normal. I'm not learning nothing about myself up here. Okay, okay.

We got Kamutsas. We got KVH. We got Lane Haygood. We got Lisa. Lisa worries she's the weird girl at work because she never gets invited to nothing. Don't worry, Lisa. They don't think you're weird. They don't think about you at all. Oh, normal one again. All right, we got it, we got it. M. Jahi Chappelle, Mark Mahoney, Matt Riley, Max Broy, Mercenary, Sissadman, Michael Lair, a Mojou. You carry yourself like you're not the hero in your own story oh that one seems gentle at first but it will haunt you some things they just they just haunt you uh mort i got mort here i got mr bob gray i got n d what does n d stand for nondescript oh that one's on purpose it's a callback to that thing i did earlier i'm owning it okay i'm owning it's just a joke neil bailey liked that oh right right Neil Bailey liked it. He likes that pop stuff, am I right? Ha ha ha, I hate that stuff. He loves it though.

Neil Schaefer, I got Neku104, I got Nick Levino, I got Obsolete over here. Now Obsolete, he's like Neil Bailey. This is someone who wants to prance about in a powdered wig. I can see it. I can see it, obsolete. Oh, that's me doing an impression. That's an impression of Obsolite. That's not me. Ornui Weevil. I got Ozzie Olin. I got Patrick Herbst. I got Peewee's uncle. I got rebrandrew. I got Red Wine Time. Red Wine Time probably got a secret storage unit full of ruffled shirts and tights.

Sometimes they sleep in there just to be physically closer to the person they think they are inside. Oh, that's what you do. That's what you do, Red Wine Time. Hey, Ria, I got Russell Bowman, I got Sam Copnick, I got Sarkovsky, look at Sean Chase.

I got seed over here. Hey, Space Champ Van. Space Champan, now this is a guy who sees an old time. Tommy Fop or Dandy put on his white face makeup and paint the little mole on and he's like, ooh, that's me! That's the way I wish I was. Oh, I got you. I know that's how you are. Hey, Spotty reception. A super knot, Tater's Tales, Thomas Cavatzos. Oh, who do we got here? You know how sometimes you can see a man, you take one look at him and you just know. You just know. This guy,

this guy likes to titter. I got you, Thomas. I got your tittering ass. Timmy Lay. He, Toastie God, Tommy G, Velo, Victor Malavakin, Booster. Oh, don't sink down in your seat, now Booster, I see you. I got you, I know you. You think you're some strong, independent woman, but I know you're tight. I know you're tight. You live your whole life just hoping. Oh, you're just praying.

Some big, strong man comes along and calls one of your quips, Rybalt. That's you. That's what you hope happens. That has nothing to do with me. I can just see it on your face. Waylon Russell, Yvonne Clapham, Zach and Ava, I'm looking at John Dean here. And I just know this guy sees old-timey fops and dandies in movies and he don't know. He don't know.

Are they a German thing? Are they French or English or something? Are they just kind of all Europe rolled together into like one stereotype that maybe never existed at all? But that don't matter to John Dean because every time he sees them boys mincing and Pranting, He thinks, that's me. That's not the me I am, but is the me I should be. And he goes, and he becomes an insult comment, because that's what they say the men do.

That's what they say the modern-day man equivalent is of that. But it just unfulfilled, you know, it doesn't, it's not enough for John Dean. He thinks, he's like, I'm Oscar Wilde up here. You know, telling it like it is, and everybody, everybody laughs and joins in and calls me pretty. And it never quite happens that way. John Dean. It's not the same thing being an insult comic as it is being a real, being a fop with a savage wit. I see you, John Dean, all over your face, man. It's all over your face that you wish that that was what you were. That's you. That's what you are. It's a joke. It's all a joke.

It's just, there's no truth to it. There's no truth to it, man. Oh.